Hybrid Set Free
by PAINT.Love
Summary: Crossover between ASOUE/Harry Potter/Twilight. Do NOT read if you like Twilight. Major everyone-except-Nessie-bashing. /Nessie runs away from the so-called vampires, wanting to start a new life. She posses as Sunny's twin, and -continued inside-
1. INTRODUCTION

**Nessie runs away from the so-called vampires, wanting to start a new life. She posses as Sunny's twin and begins her life as an unfortunate Baudelaire. Little does she know that the adventure is only begining...Crossover between twilight, Harry Potter, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Matilda.**

***  
>DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ THIS IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE. I am writing this because I've always love Nessie for some reason, and I thought I could help the poor kid out. In this universe, Nessie also has magical blood, i.e., she will be going to Hogwarts. I am trying not to make this a Twilig- Oh, sorry - I mean a Mary-Sue, even though Nessie is perfect-looking. I'm trying my hardest to give her realistic flaws.<strong>

**Critisism welcome, but keep in mind that this is just a fanFICTION. I have the first three chapters already written. Feel free to tell me what you think, if you want.**

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><p><strong><span>NTRODUCTION:<span>**

Nessie Cullen had always known she was different than her 'family' – and not just because she was a so-called hybrid.

Since Nessie's brain grew as fast or even faster than her body, she soaked up information like a sponge, making her more of a smart thirteen-year-old that looked like a five year old who was really two more than anything else.

Nessie's two favourite things were dancing and math. She fancied herself a mathematician - and she certainly was. Nessie personally thought that everyone should have two skills – a 'fun' one, like dancing was for her, and an 'educated' one, such as math.

Since she was born, Nessie was fascinated with numbers, figures, and quantity. When she started walking, she realised she also liked to dance. Nessie's style was ballet mixed with pop – it involved a lot of backbends, spinning, flipping (which she was great at, thanks to her hybrid reflexes), and synchronised arm movements.

But Nessie wasn't perfect. She had a terrible temper, acted rashly, usually bottled things up excessively, and tried to do everything by herself (which sometimes actually worked – she had taught herself to drive an ATV after all).

All in all, however, Nessie was a small person with integrity and values. The problem was, the people she was living with weren't. Nessie felt that her family were far too obsessed with material things and how they looked. Her mother only cared about NOT looking too 'fancy', and her aunts...well, let's not even go there.

And so was born Plan HSF: Hybrid Set Free.


	2. Living Hell

**DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ THIS IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE. **

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><p><strong><em>{I am not the wonderful Lemony Snicket or JK Rowling, and i am most certainly NOT Stephanie Meyer.}<em>**

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><p>oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo<strong>Chapter 1<strong>oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nessie Cullen was in a living hell. In other words, she was with her parents.

"See love, your great grandmother was a witch. So were her parents." her father was saying to Nessie's slow mother, pointing at pictures in the album.

"Oh, so that's where the magical blood came from. I guess Renesmee is even more special than we thought."

Here the two 'love birds' shared a look, and looked adoringly at Nessie, who fought not to roll her eyes.

Ever since she accidentally made something fly towards her from across the room, all the vampires in the home had been frantically searching for what made Little Nessie even more 'amazing'.Carlislehad eventually decided that Bella must have had a wizard relative down the line. And now here was the proof – a moving picture of several women. each holding some type of stick in front of a late pot. The back was labelled: "Andromeda Tonks, Agnes MacDougal, Elizabeth Swan, Mary-Anne Perks – post NEWT exams".

'Great,' thought Nessie while the adults continued to drool over the Wizard Photos. She had to fight again not to glare as Bella called her that ridiculous name again. Nessie was a nice name - it was Scottish and meaning 'pure, chaste.' She though it was pretty, but Bella had never really warmed up to it.

'Now they have another reason to fawn over me and be overprotective and ridiculous.' She thought sadly, feeling the familiar crawling of her skin and she wished desperately to be able to leave, but it was "family time". In other words, the time before Nessie went to bed and Bella and Edward went to their room to 'sleep'. _(See: Shag like bunnies)_

Now the size of a six year old, Nessie was almost two years old. It had been exactly six months now since Jake had been killed by a rival shapeshifting tribe, and Nessie had been preparing since then.

Prior to her best friends' death and this 'wizard' revelation, the young girl had been planning to wait until she reached her maturity to leave, and to take Jake with her. She knew that Jake felt the same way she did about her family – or, as Nessie preferred to think of them, the Cullen's – and that had made them even closer. She was sad about Jake, of course, but she knew he would want her to get away and start her own life – a REAL life – rather than sinking into grief...like her mother had when her father had left her.

As Nessie sat in front of the fire with 'The Secret Garden', she felt her excitement growing. She had been thinking about this particular night for weeks – the night she would finally be free.

She was sick of her parents and family. Sick of Alice's ridiculous attitude toward clothes, Emmett acting like a child, Rosalie acting like a bratty teenage girl, her parents' so-called 'love', her mother's stupidity, and her father's book-only smarts. She couldn't stand any of the terrible excuses for vampires, and Nessie was going to do something about it.

She would get a plane toEngland– Nessie even had been practising her accent – then take a train to a certain city she knew of, and start a new life there. She had had Mr. Jenks make up some papers for her – a passport reading 'Nessie Agatha MacDougal' (she had gotten the middle and last names from the wizard picture mentioned before) and some forms she could give to a certain banker (who was named something like Loe or Poe) to convince him that she was a long-lost sister of three children, recently orphans, he managed the affairs of – the Baudelaire's. Jenks had told her that one of his 'informants' had given him the idea. Honestly, the man was quite taken with Nessie.

Yes it was true. Nessie could charm anyone – even J. Jenks.

She also had a backpack filled with money, snacks, books, some blood, water, and clothes – clothes _she_ liked, not the bland clothes her mother picked or the ridiculously expensive, extravagant, and _pink _clothes Alice and Rosalie picked.

First, however, she needed to find someplace called Diagon Alley – supposedly a hidden shopping area inLondonwhere wizards shopped. She hoped she could learn more there and maybe even find a vampire cure or something...hopefully. At least something to stop her from ageing so fast – she wanted to be a kid for goodness sake, especially now that Jake was gone.

Shaking her head, the half vampire obediently allowed her mother to put her to bed, acting every part the angelic baby she had never been. Bella read her 'Romeo and Juliet' as always, rather than 'The Secret Garden', as Nessie requested. She went on and on about how her and Edward's love story was just like that of the main characters. Nessie wasn't buying, but she pretended she was.

Finally, Bella went to bed. Nessie wanted to leave right away, but she knew she had to wait at least a few hours. Bella or Edward might come in to check on her, after all.

'Soon,' she comforted herself, staring out of the window she would soon be climbing out of. 'Soon I'll be out of here for good.'


	3. Flight of the Nessie

**DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ THIS IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE. **

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><p><strong><em>{I am not the wonderful Lemony Snicket or JK Rowling, and i am most certainly NOT Stephanie Meyer.}<em>**

**I also don't own "Watch me" but it is one of my favourite songs. **

**Thanks to the people who put this on alerts!**

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At exactly two, Nessie rose quietly, pulled on her favourite brown and teal dress, black jacket, and brown boots – all Victorian styled of course.

Checking to make sure she had all the things she needed in her bag, Nessie pulled on her backpack. She took one last look around the room, then, struck by inspiration, the Hybrid grabbed some pillows and stuffed them under her blanket, to make it seem like she was still sleeping under it.

Her hand nearly aching in anticipation, Nessie reached up on her tip-toes to open the lock on the window. Even though it was set only two feet off the ground – just a foot shorter than herself – she was able the push it open just enough to push her bag through and slither after.

Pulling the leaves and twigs out of her long hair, Nessie shut the window quietly behind her and pulled out her compass. She carefully followed the needle due North a hundred paces. Just like she planned, the pink camouflage ATV was buried under leaves and branches in the middle of the woods. It had been a gift from Emmett last Christmas, but her parents wouldn't let her ride it – they said she was too young. Nessie thought they were being stupid – she could nearly lift the thing over her head, for goodness sake! So she taught herself to use it.

Nessie's plan was to follow the topographical map she had found inCarlisle's office through the wilderness to Brementon – about 131 miles by car, but it would be half that for her, as Nessie was cutting through the forest – as the crow flies, one could say. She estimated it would take her around two hours or so.

From Brementon she would use a plan ticket – acquired through Jenks, of course – to fly to London, then to Diagon Alley, and finally the City, and Poe…if it _was _Poe.

Nessie pulled on the helmet – just for kicks; there was no way she would crash with her hybrid reflexes – and got on. She had to use the clutch to start it, as it had only been used twice before, but soon she was zooming through the forest.

Several times during the ride, Nessie was thankful that the ATV was small, being made for a child and all. There were some spaces between trees that she barely fit through as it was. Several times she was forced to go through small creeks to keep with her schedule, and was again thankful for another feature of the vehicle – high clearance.

But most of the ride was simple; only during one portion did Nessie have to use the four wheel drive switch. Most of the ride was spent contemplating the new family she would be a part of soon, as Nessie Baudelaire. She wasn't sure what her new siblings' names were, but she had it on good authority that they started with the letters V, K, and S.

After an hour, Nessie stopped to have an apple and sip some blood. A moment later, she decided to sit in the tree above her in order to see better. From here, she could see the Cullen mansion easily. A few lights were on, but no movement. She tried to relax and leaned against the rough bark, looking at the stars.

To a normal person, the night time forest would seem eerie, but Nessie could tell that the tiny rustles and shadows were simply animals, curious about her. She sniffed the air several times, feeling paranoid, to make sure no on had followed her.

Finishing her snack, Nessie jumped back down and started the machine again. Moments later, she was zooming through the forest again.

A girl with curly auburn hair, large eyes and pale skin strode into theBremertonNationalAirportat five in the morning, looking casual as you please. The employees stared at her curiously as she walked up to the information desk.

"Excuse me, could you tell me what time the flight for London  
>is?" Nessie asked, using her British accent to practice and knowing full well what time the flight was.<p>

"Oh – yes, of course, sweetie," stammered the woman – Juliet, her name-tag informed. "It leaves in just under an hour, at 6:30. Eh – where are your parents?"

Nessie smiled charmingly. "They're getting our bags." she lied. "Thank you for your help."

And with that Nessie disappeared into the small, scattered crowd.

She walked quickly towards terminal 65 and chatted with an older woman named Dorothy while waiting for her row to be called. When it was, Nessie bade farewell to Dorothy and stood in the short line to give her ticket to 'Amelia'.

As Nessie expected, Amelia gave her a Look and glanced around, obviously looking for a parent.

"Where are your parents dear?" she asked sweetly.

"My mum is already on," Nessie explained. "I had to go to the bathroom, so Grandma took me." She pointed to Dorothy, who waved at her, not knowing what the girl was saying. Nessie didn't like to bring Dorothy into the lie, since she was so nice, but it was necessary.

Amelia smiled, checking her ticket and passport. "Alright then, dear. Have a good flight."

"Thank you." Nessie smiled, and walked onto the plane. Her seat, luckily, was next to a sleeping man and a girl close to her age – her _real_ age, that is.

"Hi," said Nessie, sitting down next to the girl. "My name's Nessie."

"I'm Hermi'ne," the girl said, pushing back bushy hair and grinning. Nessie noticed that she had an English accent – just like the one she was practising. "I'm two. How old are you?"

"Five," Nessie said, not wanting to confuse the girl by telling her she was almost two. She glanced at the man, whom she thought must be Hermione's father.

Hermione noticed, and said, "Dad doesn' like planes. He eats sleeper pills."

"Oh," Nessie said, smiling. The girl had dark hair like her – she would have no problem pretending they were her family. She was sure the flight attendants wouldn't even ask.

Nessie listened to the speech about safety and what to do in an accident, and then pulled out her earphones as the movie started. Hermione was watching it, whatever it was, though obviously not very interested.

The hybrid put on her favourite song, "Watch Me", and began planning a dance for it. AsAmericaflew by under her, Nessie contemplated her new life. She knew that, whatever happened in the City, it couldn't possibly be worse than her life in Forks.


	4. Diagon Alley

**DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ THIS IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE. **

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><p><strong>Again, I'm trying to give Nessie realistic flaws. Let me know how you think I'm doing. By the way, in a future book this will be ASOUETwilight/Harry Potter/and Matilda. I'm not sure if i mentioned Matilda, so I will now. Anyway, please review if you like it. The next chapter should be up in a few minutes, and Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are in it :D**

**(By the way, I apologise for any future mistakes in theis story where spacesdissapearbetween words. Fanfiction does it to me all the time, and fixing it never works.)**

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"Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived in London. Please gather up your things and wait in your seats until the seatbelt sign goes off. Thank you and we hope you had a wonderful flight."

Nessie rolled up her earphones and stuck them and the player back into her bag. When the seatbelt light went off, she said goodbye to Hermione – whose father was stirring a bit – and was the first person off the plane.

Nessie navigated quickly through the airport to the front door, making use of the signs most people seemed to ignore. Outside, she hailed a taxi and gave him the address of a building near the 'Leaky Cauldron'. Apparently, the pub wasn't visible to normal people, or 'Muggles', as wizards called them.

Everything was a blur after that – it seemed like seconds before they were there, then Nessie was walking into the pub and a kind woman offered to 'let her into' the alley, which turned out to mean tapping her stick – wand, Nessie reminded herself – on a specific brick.

An archway appeared. Nessie tried not to look surprised and thanked the woman before starting down the street. A large bookstore called Flourish and Blotts sounded promising, so Nessie headed there first to do some research.

She found a comfortable chair in the 'Magical Creatures' section and proceeded to search through five books about the different types of vampires. She learned in one that her former family were known as Infirma Vampires. Nessie briefly wondered why no one had ever told her that there were other types of vampires, but she didn't really care.

The book that held the answer was called 'Corporis Dimidio Lamia' by Corvus Lestrange.

_•Should one of half-vampyre parentage wish to semi-permanently stop their desire to drink blood, a potion called 'Iam Sanguinis' can be implemented. The potion has the affect of cancelling out blood-lust in half-vampyres for seven to seventy years, depending on the parents of the Hybryd. This potion is, however, not effective on full-vampires of any type.•_

A few pages later, Nessie also found an answer for her ageing problem:

_•Many half-vampyres express a desire to slow their aging process in order to have a slightly more normal life. Due to high demand, the 'Aetate Media Novum' potion was created. With only one dose, the Hybryd will be reduced to their natural age. They will retain any abilities and knowledge they had beforehand, but will continue to age as a human would. In most cases, the Hybryd is thinner and more built than a person of their human age would be, causing them to look more like a small teenager or adult than a child or baby. There is a possible side-affect of–•_

Unfortunately for us and Nessie, the young girl stopped there. She scribbled down the two potions – Iam Sanguinis and Aetate Media Novum – and rose from her chair, placing the book back on the shelf.

Trying to look casual, Nessie walked to the front desk where an older woman stood.

"Can I help you dear?" she asked.

"Yes, could you tell me where I might find a Potions store?" the hybrid asked.

The woman's brow furrowed. "What would a child like you want with potions?" she asked.

Nessie smiled, thinking fast. "My mum wanted me to meet her at one, only I can't remember the name of it. She said it was nearby..." She couldn't believe her whole plan depended on a Potion store being close to her.

The woman smiled, looking relieved. "Yes of course dear, there's one just four stores down – Grey Potionibus, is that the one?"

Nessie sighed in relief, smiling again at the woman. "Yes, that's it. Thank you very much!"

"You're welcome, dear."

It was only when she had reached the door to the store when Nessie realised the flaw in her plan – she had no Wizard Money. In fact, she didn't even have Pounds – just Dollars.

She wanted to cry in frustration like the child she actually was, but crying rarely solves anything (no matter how fun it is at the time), which Nessie knew, so she sat down on a nearby bench and thought for a moment.

As she sat, she saw a family walk by – the mother had bright red hair and carried a small child who looked just like his father, though he had his mom's green eyes.

All of the sudden, it came to her.

'I'll just see if they have them,' thought Nessie, 'And if they do, I'll find someplace to exchange the money. There has to be somewhere around here to do that.'

And with that, Nessie walked confidently into the shop, passing by a man holding a small boy with white-blonde hair on her way in.

"Next time, Rueben," the man was telling the salesman haughty, "I will simply have Severus do it – imagine, screwing up a Felix Felicis!" and he stormed out.

The man – Rueben, Nessie supposed, was looking nervously at the departing blondes, and frowned when Nessie said, "Excuse me, sir?"

"What do you want, kid?" he demanded gruffly. "Lost yer mummy?"

But Nessie knew just how to deal with people like this. She rolled her eyes, stood up straight, raised her chin proudly, and looked him in the eyes while saying, "I need to buy two potions – can you help me or should I find someone more competent? That man seemed to think you were under-qualified..."

It's not nice, of course, to insult someone like this, but Nessie thought this was important enough for a bit of a social faux pas.

"I apologise Miss – how may I help you?" he said hurriedly.

Nessie smiled. "I need an Iam Sanguinis potion and an Aetate Media Novum potion. Do you carry those?"

Rueben's eyes grew very wide, and he looked over Nessie again with new eyes. She knew he was taking in her pale skin – slightly glimmering in the afternoon sun – her slim, seemingly five-year-old figure, the backpack – looking a little too heavy for a normal small child – and her shinning, perfectly curled hair.

"You're –You're–" he gasped, unable to finish the sentence as he gaped at her, lowering himself slowly onto nearby stool.

Nessie quirked a brow, acting innocent. "So can you help me?" she asked sweetly.

"Yes – er, yes, we have, er, both of the potions in stock," said Rueben, clearing his throat several times.

"Would you take American dollars? I haven't exchanged anything yet." Nessie asked hopefully. Maybe she wouldn't have to find a bank here after all.

"Of course!" Rueben said enthusiastically, obviously happy to be back in the hybrid's favour. "I'll exchange them myself later – let me just go grab those potions for you." and he scurried off into the shelves.

Nessie sighed in relief, almost unable to believe her plan had worked. Moments later, Reuben reappeared, holding two small, dusty vials.

"You're in luck, Miss," he said, "These are the last ones. That'll be –" Suddenly he paused, looking down at Nessie questioningly. "Are you sure you have enough for these?"

Nessie rolled her eyes. "Well I won't know till you tell me how much they cost, will I?" Rueben blushed. "But I have a fair amount, so how about we say a thousand and you forget I was here?"

The man's eyes grew wide. "A thou – thousand?" he gasped. "Well – er – I'm sure that will work. You were never here." he said, accepting the bundle of cash.

"Thank you very much." Nessie said, picking up the bottles and starting to exit the shop.

A thought struck her, and she froze mid-step. Jenks' informant had told him of the Baudelaire's main features – one had dark blonde hair, one had dark red hair, and one had dark brown hair. They also had dark eyes – blue, green, and brown, and all had sharp, small noses, mouths, and ears. Nessie needed to resemble them if she was going to act like the long-lost twin of the youngest child, and currently she had light red/brown hair and soft features. She wondered if magic could make her look like her soon-to-be-siblings…

"Mr. Reuben, do you know if there is a potion or spell to change one's appearance – permanently?" she asked.

The man's face suddenly took on an unexpected look of concern. "Something you trying to get away from, Miss? Are you in some type of trouble?"

Nessie smiled at him. "Not anymore. But I need to look like the people I'll be staying with. Do you know of anything?"

Reuben, frowning slightly but seeming convinced, answered, "Yes, right there down that second isle we have potions that will change your hair, eyes, face – just grab what you need to help you out. No charge."

"Are you sure?" Nessie asked, hesitant to take such a kind offer from a man who had been so annoyed before.

Reuben nodded. "I've got little girls of my own, Miss. Take your time, and have a safe journey. If'n you're ever back in the Alley, please look us up."

And with that he disappeared.

Nessie headed over to the isle he had pointed out, and saw that this particular task couldn't have been easier. The vials were all clearly marked – "Long nose to short" "Blonde hair to black" and even "Elf ears" all stood on the shelves. Nessie selected five quickly, as she heard more people approaching, and left the shop.

She had to be at Poe's office by late afternoon the next day, so Nessie decided to get a hotel inLondonand take a taxi to the City the next day.

It was more difficult than it should have been for the girl to exchange her money into pounds and find a decent hotel room, mostly due to the fact that she had no adult nearby. It involved a lot of money, lying, and acting cute, but soon Nessie was insuite605in the St. Giles hotel onBedford Avenue.

Trying to think like an adult rather than rashly diving in as she was prone to do, Nessie sat on the large bed and considered her next move.

"I can order room service tonight," she thought aloud. "But the lady downstairs said that you have to put your breakfast order out by five in the morning. I should fill that out before I forget. And since I only have three other outfits, I suppose I should send my clothes to be washed. I'll have to take those potions – all but two, at least – and be sure they work, and make sure to take a bath too – who knows when I'll get to again?"

And so she began bustling about the room, making phone calls and fillings things out carefully – her typing was good, but small hands were hard to work with. Nessie supposed she'd have to get used to it – after all, she would be a baby again soon, and her hands would be even smaller.

After she had eaten, bathed, and sent down her clothes, Nessie picked up the first bottle. It was to turn her hair straight, short, and blonde.

She tried not to think – Nessie had always like her long, dark, curly hair – and swiftly drank the small bottle. It tasted like vanilla and honeydew – not at all as unpleasant as she had expected. Nessie rushed to the mirror just in time to watch her hair transform.

It seemed to shoot back in her scalp, bubbling and twitching and shaking, until finally it settled.

Now Nessie had short, thin, and wispy light blonde hair. Her eyebrows had even changed to match. Nessie ran her fingers through it, trying to get used to the change.

"It's not _bad,_" Nessie said to herself decisively. "Just different. And after all, I can change it back in the future if I want to." She looked down at the potions now. She knew she couldn't take the two potions that would affect her age until right when she got to Poe's office. If it was hard for a five-year-old to get a taxi, how difficult would it be for an infant?

So Nessie selected the _Iam Sanguinis _potion and drank it quickly, followed by the one to change her eyes, then facial structure, then her skin. It didn't really hurt, but it was uncomfortable – like her bones and skin were stretching and moving. Nessie didn't look into the mirror until she had drunk all of them, and when she finally did, she couldn't believe the change.

Her eyes were now a rich, caecilian blue, her skin pale, lips, nose, and ears small and sharply angled. She looked completely different.

"This might actually be crazy enough to work," she said, grinning.


	5. The LongLost Twin

**DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ THIS IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE.**

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><p><strong>Let me know if you think I did the Baudelaire's justice! I had to make up alot of words for Sunny to use...<strong>

**Also, in this story, in order to make it more convinient, the City is in London. After all, no one know where the Baudelaires really live, and Matilda and Harry Potter both take place in the UK. (Also, I'm better at writing English UK.)**

**From the next chapter on, this story will be in third person omniscient POV, but still focusing more on Nessie (except when they have to split up, in which case it will be in regular third person). **

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Nessie double, triple, and quadruple checked her bag the next morning, before calling down and asking the front desk to please call her a cab. It took four hours to get to the City, and the modern-looking taxi was very out-of-place next to the very old but shiny cars, trolleys, and stagecoaches. Soon enough, Nessie was paying the driver and walking into Mulctuary Money Management.

A security officer pointed down the hall to a door that read 'Poe Q' when Nessie inquired for Mr. Poe. Apparently, there had been a problem with the man hired to paint the door. Nessie was happy, however, to find that there was a bathroom right across the hall from 'Poe Q's office. She slipped in and carefully locked the door before pulled off her bag and retrieving the potions.

First Nessie would take the 'Aetate Media Novum' potion, which would change her back to around two years, physically, followed by the other age potion she had gotten from the 'Appearance' section. The girl whose twin she would pose as was an infant, and she needed to be as well. Also, that potion would make her chubbier – like a human baby would be. It wouldn't do for her body to be so different from another child's. Nessie took both quickly, surprised yet again at the pleasant test, and waited.

"Look…the floor is getting closer…" Nessie said thoughtfully, looking down at the ugly brown tile. It took her a second to realize she was shrinking.

"Oh!" she gasped, lifting her hands up to her face and watching them shrink. Nessie was strangely reminded of Alice in Wonderland, whenAlice's body had 'Shut up like a telescope'; onlyAlice had just gotten smaller. Nessie was getting younger.

Before she knew it, she was sitting on the floor, now smaller than a loaf of bread. Before Nessie could get up, she heard a knock on the door, and a voice said, "Hello? Is anyone–" a loud, hacking cough cut off the rest of the words before continuing, "Is someone in there? Hello!"

That's when Nessie realized she couldn't reach the lock.

"Fredrick!" the voice called again. It paused for a moment to cough yet again. "Come over here!"

Remembering that 'Fredrick' was the name of the security guard – who would likely have keys to this bathroom – Nessie quickly pulled out the papers from Jenks, slipped her backpack back on, and did the only thing that would alert the man outside to her presence (in a baby-like way). She cried.

"Good God!" cried the voice. "There's a baby locked in there!"

Nessie cried again.

"Quick! Fredrick!" he paused to cough loudly again. "Give me the key!"

The door opened, and there stood the security guard and a chubby man in a nice suit and a top hat. Nessie was sure immediately that it was Poe.

"How did you get in here?" demanded Fredrick, "And – wait, what happened–?"

'Oh no,' thought Nessie. 'He recognizes me…but now I'm younger! He's going to tell Poe! I have to distract them…'

Still pretending to sniffle, Nessie handed the papers to Poe.

"Paper," she said, noting that her voice sounded younger as well. "Poe."

"I'm Poe, yes," said the banker slowly, looking befuddled as he took the papers. "Are you supposed to give these to me?"

Nessie nodded and watched hopefully as Poe read them. He paused several times to cough, but gradually his eyes moved down the page and his eyebrows raised.

"You're – you're related to the Baudelaire children?" he asked incredulously, pausing for a moment to cough before proceeding. "It says here that you're Sunny Baudelaire's twin sister. I've never even heard about you."

Nessie was about to answer when she remembered she was an infant, and therefore shouldn't be able to talk well, let alone understand the conversation.

After a few minutes of confused reading, coughing, and questioning thin air (As Fredrick had no idea what to say, and Nessie was supposed to be a helpless infant), Poe finally seemed to buy Nessie's story.

"Well," he said finally. "It _is_ all in writing, so it must be true. Come along, Nessie. I'll take you to your siblings."

With that, Poe reached down and picked up the former vampire. Nessie couldn't help but be a bit excited about meeting her 'siblings', though she was nervous at the same time. What if they weren't willing to help her? What if they didn't like her, or didn't appreciate her dancing and mathematic skills?

Since Mr. Poe seemed kind, if a bit dim-witted, Nessie didn't fight back as he carried her across the hall to the door marked 'Poe Q'.

Inside Poe's office sat three children: a girl of around fourteen with dark red hair, a younger boy with dark brown hair, and a small baby with dark blond hair who sat in the girl's lap. Nessie knew immediately that these were the Baudelaires she had heard about.

The children looked on in confusion as Poe stood there awkwardly with Nessie. He obviously had no idea how to say this, so he coughed a few times before spluttering, "Violet, Klaus, Sunny – this is your long-lost sister, Nessie."

There was silence for a moment, then the baby – whom Nessie though might be Sunny – said, "Megen?"

Somehow Nessie understood that to mean something like, 'Come again?'

At Poe's befuddled look, Violet said, "My sister meant, 'come again?'. We don't have another sibling, Mr. Poe."

Poe coughed. "Actually, you do," he said after a minute. "It's right here in these papers."

"Just because it's in a paper," said Klaus, "doesn't make it true."

"Franosky?" said Sunny, meaning something like, 'And wouldn't our parents have told us about her if we did?'

After this statement (and Klaus's translation) followed a few more minutes of confused conversation, in which Violet, Klaus, and Sunny argued with Mr. Poe and Nessie looked on, trying to decide what to say to explain her situation to the Baudelaires. She certainly couldn't just tell them – Mr. Poe would hear, and then her charade would be up!

'I somehow understood what Sunny said,' she thought to herself. 'So maybe I can talk in baby-language as well? Then only they would understand me…'

And at that moment, Poe gave her the chance.

"I suppose you four should talk in private," he said, obviously tired of arguing, and paused for a second to cough. "I'll just step out for a moment…"

He set Nessie down on an extra chair and left. Nessie decided she wouldn't tell the Baudelaire the _whole _story yet – they would be hard-pressed to believe her, anyway – but at least she could talk normally, since Poe was gone.

"Icharigly," Sunny said, and Nessie knew she meant, 'I really don't think you are my twin sister, as I'm certain I would have remembered you.'

Nessie nodded. "You're right. I'm – well, I ran away from home, and I need to pose as your sister, so my former family won't find me. It's a terrible imposition, I know, but if you could just pretend I'm really your sister–"

"We'd be glad to," said Violet kindly, smiling at the girl, "The only problem is that there's this man following us, and after you hear how awful he is, I'm sure you'll rather leave."

"I doubt that," said Nessie. "Besides, I have nowhere else to go. A baby won't be able to do much by herself."

"So you are an infant, not just posing as one?" asked Klaus curiously. "How is it you can talk so well?"

Nessie shrugged honestly, "I have no idea." The baby potion should have caused her to speak like an infant as well – she shouldn't be able to form words this well.

The Baudelaires seemed to think for a moment, then Violet said, "Well if you really have no where else to go, we'll pretend to be your family. I suppose even being targeted by an evil man is worse than trying to live alone. But we really should warn you about Count Olaf."

"Count Olaf?" Nessie frowned. "Who's that?"

"He was our first guardian," said Klaus. "We've just been taken from his care after he attempted to marry Violet in order to steal the money our parents left us."

"El Diablo," said Sunny quietly, and that need no translation.

"He was an awful man," agreed Violet. "He forced us to do all sorts of awful chores, and had terrible hygiene. Once he slapped Klaus, and he even hung Sunny up in a bird cage out his tower window."

Sunny shivered. "Hallo chilli," which meant 'It was frightening to be so high up, and very cold.'

"That's terrible!" said Nessie.

Klaus nodded. "He has only one eyebrow, very shiny eyes, and a tattoo of an eye on his left ankle. We've been keeping a sharp eye out for him – he swore he'd be back to steal our fortune."

"The police didn't catch him?" Nessie questioned.

"Oily," Sunny replied, meaning, 'Olaf is as fast and tricky as he is evil and unhygienic.'

"He also has a group of henchmen – his theatre troupe." Said Violet, "They're all terrible – there's a hook handed man, two women with white powder all over their faces, a person who looks like neither a man nor a woman, and a bald man with a large nose."

Nessie shuddered. "They do sound horrible, but not any worse than my so-called family was."

"Hackly?" asked Sunny, probably meaning something along the lines of, 'How could anyone be worse than Count Olaf?'

"Well, perhaps not worse," allowed Nessie. "Just…bad in a different way. My whole family was shallow, superficial, fake, and stupid, for the most part. I couldn't stand them."

The three children nodded in agreement.

"I see what you mean," agreed Klaus. "But what I don't understand is how you can talk so well." It was obviously frustrating him. "You must be around Sunny's age."

Nessie bit her lip, trying to decide how to answer her new 'brother's' question.

"Um…well…I can't tell you. At least…not yet."

Sunny smiled at Nessie, reaching out to past Nessie's leg gently.

"Denada," she said, probably meaning, 'That's okay. You can tell us when you're ready.'

"Certainly." Agreed Violet. "But for now, I think it would be best if you tried to talk a bit more like Sunny, so no one gets suspicious."

"Right," agreed Nessie, and just in time too, because at that moment, Poe entered the room.

"Have you – er – had time to speak?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yes we have," said Klaus, "And we realized you're right. We have vague memories of another sister – Violet thinks she can remember our parents allowing a childless relative to raise her. I'm sure our parents just didn't want to confuse us by telling us."

Nessie was wide-eyed. How could Klaus possibly have made up such a brilliant excuse in only a few seconds?

"Yes – well – that's good then," said Mr. Poe, pausing to cough for a moment. Nessie wondered if he had a cold – he sure coughed a lot! "I've just gotten off the phone with a relative of yours – your Uncle Montgomery. He has agreed to care for the four of you. We'll be leaving for his home tomorrow morning."

The four children gave each other looks. Would this Montgomery person be the start of new and better lives for them all? They could only hope.


	6. SnakeShaped Hedges

**DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ THIS IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE.**

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><p><strong>So...anyone reading this? Please tell me someone is, because this story is my baby. I love it. I'd really like to know that at leaset one other person does.<strong>

**(From this point on, I will combine Lemony Snicket's words with mine, but skip his characteristic definitions and such (since we all know what the words mean). It would just be too much like copying him.)**

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**Chapter** **6**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The stretch of road that leads out of the City, past HazyHarbour– docking point of the famous _Prospero _– and into the town ofTedia, is perhaps the most unpleasant in the world. It is calledLousy Lane runs through fields of an unappealing gray colour, in which a handful of scraggly trees produce horribly sour apples that make your face pucker up with just one Lane traverses theGrimRiver, a body of water made of nine-tenths mud and containing a species of particularly terrifying fish. The River encircles a horseradish factory, and the entire area smells bitter and strong.

Nessie thought it was at least a hundred times better than Forks, but not because of the scenery. She was finally around people like her – she had found out a lot in the last half-day she had spent with the Baudelaires. The previous night when they returned to the Poe household, the children snuck out of the room they shared with Edgar and Albert and went down to the living room to talk.

Nessie learned that Klaus was a reader/researcher, Violet was an inventor, and Sunny was a biter. They were even interested in her dancing and math skills! In fact, Mr. Poe was more interesting and kind than the Cullens had been, despite his horrid children and his persistent cough.

"I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable," said Mr. Poe, pausing for a moment to cough. "But this new car of mine doesn't fit many people. We couldn't even fit in your suitcases, but I'll drive back here in a week or so to deliver them."

"Thank you," said Violet politely. Nessie was certain, however, that her sister (it was so hard to think of the others like this, but Nessie was making an effort) was not listening to the banker, because she had her long hair tied up with a ribbon. As she had learned the previous night, Violet did this when she was concentrating on an invention. It helped her think clearly.

"After living in the City for so long," said Mr. Poe, "I hope you'll find the country to be a pleasant change. Oh, here's the turn – we're almost there."

"Good," Klaus said quietly. He wished he had a book; he was bored.

"I think you'll like Dr. Montgomery too," continued Mr. Poe. "He has travelled a great deal, so I'm sure he'll have many interesting stories to tell. I'm told his house is filled with things from all the places he's been."

"Bax!" said Sunny, probably meaning 'I'm nervous about meeting a new relative.'

"Amas," ~ 'So amI.' agreed Nessie – in baby talk, obviously, so as to not arouse the suspicion of Mr. Poe.

"He does seem interesting." Klaus said. "I bet he'd have lots of books…"

"And mechanic devices I could examine…" added Violet wistfully.

"And metrey." Said Nessie, meaning 'And some things to measure or calculate.'

"Bite." Agreed Sunny, and the Baudelaires suddenly found themselves getting a bit excited about their new relative.

"How exactly is Dr. Montgomery related to us?" asked Klaus.

Mr. Poe coughed. "Dr. Montgomery is – let me see – your late father's cousin's wife's brother…I think. He's a scientist of some sort, and receives a great deal of money from the government."

"What should we call him?" asked Violet curiously.

"You should call him Dr. Montgomery." Said Mr. Poe. "Unless, of course, he tells you to call him Montgomery. Both his first and last names areMontgomery, so it doesn't really make much difference."

"His name is Montgomery Montgomery?" asked Klaus, smiling. Nessie tried to hold back a giggle.

"Yes, and I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so don't ridicule him." Mr. Poe said, coughing into his handkerchief. "'Ridicule' means 'tease'.

"I _know _what 'ridicule' means." Klaus grumbled. He also knew that it wasn't nice to make fun of people's names.

Violet sighed and took the ribbon out of her hair. She had been thinking of an invention that would block the smell of horseradish from reaching one's nose, but she was too nervous to concentrate properly.

"Do you know what sort of scientist he is?" she asked.

"No, I'm afraid I don't. Oh – here's the driveway. We're almost there." said Mr. Poe.

They pulled up a steep gravel drive, and slowly a large brick house came into view. It was a handsome house with many windows, but the really interesting thing was what stood outside on the lawn. Large hedges filled the lawn, all of them in the shapes of snakes, complete with tongues sticking out and pointy teeth showing. They were a bit eerie, and Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Nessie were a bit nervous about walking beside them on their way to the house.

Mr. Poe didn't seem to mind the hedges – probably because busy lecturing the children on how to behave.

"Now Klaus, don't ask too many question right away. Violet, what happened to that ribbon in your hair? I though it looked quite distinguished. Would someone please make sure Sunny doesn't bite Doctor Montgomery? That would be a very good first impression."

They had reached the front door, and Mr. Poe ran the doorbell. After a moment they heard footsteps, and the Baudelaires looked at one another. _Would Dr. Montgomery be a kind person? _They wondered. _Would he at least be better than the Cullens and Count Olaf? Could he possibly be worse?_

The door opened slowly, and the children held their breath as they looked into the dark doorway. They saw a burgundy carpet on the floor. They saw a stained-glass light hanging from the ceiling. They saw a large oil painting of two snakes on the wall. But where was Dr. Montgomery?

"Hello?" Mr. Poe called. "Hello?"

"Hello, hello, hello!" a loud voice boomed, and from behind the door stepped a short, chubby man with a round red face. "I am your Uncle Monty, and this really is perfect timing! I've just finished making a coconut cream cake!"


End file.
